Red Non-Lobster
by IcyKali
Summary: HIM discovers a misconception the citizens of Townsville have about him, and he decides to remedy the situation in the only way he knows how; evilly.
1. Chapter 1

The city of Townsville, where there's always trouble brewing, even in the most unlikely of places. For instance, in the quaint little beauty shop down the road from the museum, the king of chaos, the prince of perversion, the eidolon of evil, HIM, was preparing to—buy lipstick?

"Hello, clerk," said HIM, in his eerie, echoing, feminine voice, "would you mind telling me where your 'Devious Viper' lipstick is?"

The woman behind the counter glared at him. "If you were paying attention, you'd know you can only get that color though our special-order catalogue."

HIM grinned. "Oh, that's right. Silly me! I'll remember next time." He walked out of the shop, inwardly making himself a mental note to make the clerk spontaneously combust later that night.

He was just about to travel back to his dimension, when none other than the Mayor and Ms. Bellum drove up, in a black limousine. HIM, curious, decided to stick around to see what they were up to.

Ms. Bellum got out of the limousine. "Mayor," she said, "I know you're worried about me slipping off somewhere to avoid cleaning your bunny slippers, but following me here is ridiculous. I just need to get some more nail polish!"

The mayor was sweating. "But Ms. Bellum, the last time you left City Hall without me, you didn't come back in all day!"

"That was because you put a deadbolt on all the doors, Mayor."

The mayor just blinked, clearly not remembering. Then, he noticed the cross-dressing demon behind Bellum. "Look behind you! It's that fruity lobster!"

HIM, who was leaning against the wall, raised an eyebrow. "What did you say?"

"I said it's that fruity lobster," said the mayor. "Don't tell me you need a hearing aid too!"

HIM straightened up and forced himself to grin again. "Oh, well, I'll take the fruity as a compliment to my compelling personality." He snarled. "But I am not a lobster!" he roared.

HIM spat his acid spit at the mayor. Ms. Bellum quickly picked up the mayor in her arms and ran down the street. She turned to look behind her, and saw the limousine was just a black puddle on the pavement.

HIM raised his left claw, preparing to fire a blast of plasma their way, but he decided that it wasn't worth his time.

_Why bother attracting those loathsome powerpuff insects over this? _he thought. _It's not as if anybody besides that brain-dead politician would think such a thing. _


	2. Chapter 2

HIM sat on his fluffy flamingo-pink couch in his alien dimension of swirling pieces of earth and TV screens. He turned on his main TV, to survey the citizens of the city.

"After that little incident with the mayor," he said, "I wonder what those other silly little mortals think of me?" HIM first turned the "channel" to the Powerpuff Girls, from a time when they had the demon on their minds.

_"Ugh. Why can't that lame lobster-demon-thing be satisfied with bein' the ultimate evil?" asked Buttercup._

HIM's eyes widened. He switched the channel to Professor Utonium.

_"Now, HIM is a fascinating object of study. As a man of science, I will not resort to using the supernatural to describe his appearance and abilities so I propose that he is a form of mutated lobster—"_

HIM growled and involuntarily levitated. "How dare they!" he yelled. "I'll teach them to disrespect me!"

* * *

The Powerpuff girls were in the middle of playing cops and robbers, er, heroines and robots, when their hotline started beeping.

"I'll get it!" said Blossom. She picked up. "Yes mayor? Ms. Bellum's gone? Are you sure she's not just on vacation time you gave her, again? Sure your sure? Okay, we'll be right right there!"

The girls blasted off to City Hall and sped through the halls. They flung open the doors to the mayor's office.

"Girls! You've got to help me! I can't find Ms. Bellum anywhere!" The mayor broke down and sobbed.

"Didja run into any supervillains recently?" asked Buttercup.

"Well, come to think of it, there was that guy. You know, the uh, y'know, pink..."

"Fuzzy?" asked Bubbles.

The mayor shook his head. "No, the lobster-man! That one!"

The girls gasped. "HIM!"

Suddenly, all four of them felt chills go up their spines, and they saw a glowing, swirling pink smoke appear in the middle of the room, between the Powerpuff Girls and the mayor's desk. HIM slowly materialized from it, and after his stilettos touched the floor, he gestured theatrically to all present.

"I'm afraid I've whisked the mayor's lovely secretary away for a bit of karmic punishment, although I hate to hurt a lady with such good fashion sense." HIM frowned.

"What're you going to do to our buxom female role-model?" yelled Blossom.

"Oh, after hearing so much about lobsters," he said, growling on the last word, "I decided to prove that I'm not a lobster by having a little dinner party. I have the butter and those cute little lobster forks all set!"

The Powerpuff Girls shared a look, wondering what that could possibly have to with Ms. Bellum. Then all three had a startling revelation.

"Don't tell us that sh-she's..." Bubbles wouldn't dare complete the thought.

"That's right!" HIM yelled. "She's on the menu!" He cackled and spun around, disappearing into his dimension, but not before an enraged mayor chucked a pickle at him.

Blossom turned to her sisters. "All right, girls, we're going to search all throughout the city to find an entrance to his la—"

"Wait!" yelled Bubbles. She pointed to the mayor, who was hanging onto some invisible object by his mouth. The Powerpuff Girls flew over to him, and saw half a pickle sticking out of the air!

Buttercup yanked the mayor off the pickle, which was no easy task.

"I think we've found a way into HIM's dimension!" Blossom grinned. "Let's go get the Professor!"


	3. Chapter 3

"Now, girls, would you explain why you wanted me and my prototype dimension-jump-o-tron 2000?" asked Professor Utonium. The girls had just burst into their house and flown him to City Hall, and were now dragging him towards the floating piece of pickle.

"Professor, we need you to stretch open this hole in the dimensions, and quickly!" yelled Blossom. She gestured to the pickle that Bubbles and Buttercup were now desperately trying to protect from the mayor.

"Hm, well," said the Professor, scratching his chin, "If I fix the calibration of of the plasma-vibrator unit's—"

"Now, Professor!" the girls yelled.

"Okay, okay!" The Professor set down his dimension-jump-o-tron 2000 (which looked suspiciously similar to a food processor) and pressed the ON button. A whirling, multicolored cyclone of plasma emanated from the top of the machine, and the pickle popped out of the air, a glowing hot pink portal left in its place.

"You go get 'im, girls!" said the mayor, between bites of pickle. The Powerpuff Girls blasted into the portal.

* * *

They landed on a tiled floor, which reminded them of a chess board. Fire spurted up randomly. Jet-black spikes jutted from the ground. The sky was alternating between red and pink, and the girls thought they could see images in it, but every time they thought they could make something out, it disappeared.

Suddenly, they heard HIM laughing. "Oh, girls! So glad you could make it!" he called. "I'm over here..."

"Look!" yelled Bubbles. The girls turned behind them, and there was Ms. Bellum, bound and gagged. She hung by a flimsy rope over a pot of boiling water. HIM stood next to her, grinning and waving to the Powerpuff Girls.

"I'll get HIM!" Buttercup shot through the air, ready to bash HIM to kingdom come. Just before she touched him, he disappeared in a flash of pink light, re-appearing on the other side of the pot. Buttercup flew right into a wall of spikes, stopped just before she was stabbed.

Bubbles flew into the air, took a deep breath, and let out her Sonic Scream. HIM teleported behind her, and tried to spit his acid. Blossom flew up and evaporated the attack with her laser vision.

"Tell us what you want, HIM!" Blossom demanded.

HIM sneered. "I want to prove that I'm a scorpion, not a lobster!"

Blossom was ready to try attacking again, but then she thought better of it. "A scorpion, huh? Well then, you must glow under a black light! I'll go get one from the Professor!" She flew through the portal again, and came back a few seconds later with what looked like a flashlight.

HIM grabbed it from her. He turned the flashlight on himself. "Fine, I'll show y—" he switched on the light, and it hit him with a powerful plasma blast. He flew backwards into his own spikes, leaving him dazed, and his outfit ruined.

"Now girls! Mega Blast!" The Powerpuff Girls flew into a V-formation, held their hands out, and blasted HIM again with a giant, searing red ray. Bubbles and Buttercup grabbed HIM, and Blossom freed Ms. Bellum. The girls flew back into their normal dimension, where the police waited outside City Hall. HIM was chucked into the back of a police van.

The mayor and Professor Utonium ran down the steps to greet them. The mayor perked up at the sight of Ms. Bellum. "Thanks so much, Powerpuff Girls! Now, Ms. Bellum, time to clean my bunny slippers!"

Bellum sighed. "Yes, mayor." The two of them walked back into the building.

Buttercup and Bubbles turned to Blossom. "Blossom, how'd you do that trick with the flashlight?" asked Buttercup.

"Oh, it was simple, girls," she answered. "It wasn't a flashlight at all! It was a part from one of Mojo's blasters that the Professor disassembled."

"I guess that means even though HIM's the scorpion," said Bubbles, "he's the one who got stung!"

All of them laughed. So, once again, the day was saved, thanks to the Powerpuff Girls!

END


End file.
